I can’t believe

[2002/2003?]

Fandom: Smallville
Title: I can’t believe
PenName:EV
Character(s):
Paring(s): Lana/Chloe
Rating: PG
Summary: A sequel to “It should have been different” from Chloe’s perspective.
Notes:The timeline is between “Drone” and “Tempest”
Warning(s):
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters featured in the WB teen drama series Smallville. No copyright infringement intended.


I can’t believe it happened…

I’m still trying to figure out why I did it. Power, that’s what I told myself. I enjoyed making this girl that Clark obsessed over weak for little old me. His good friend, his second choice, and she wanted me — the quirky little High School reporter.

I can’t believe I’m even thinking this way…

It defies the little system I set up in my mind. From the day I came to Smallville Jr. High the line was drawn between her and I. I thought I knew her type, they were everywhere. She was the typical ditzy popular girl. Only she wasn’t. While everyone seem to know her and she was, by definition, “popular”. She didn’t seem to travel in some little clique that made it there business to read the latest fashion magazine from some big city and make everyone else feel inferior with there sense of style. No, she spent most of her time reading or riding horses (not surprising considering she was a country girl). Many people didn’t know this, but even as a baby she had been stunning. When I researched the meteor shower I found out that as a baby Lana Lang had been chosen as a model for a children’s line of clothing. The 3 year old’s tragedy made her less friendly with the camera and that “career” (for better or worse) ended. The tragedy was what stood out in people’s minds, so this time before was all but forgotten. Still, if not for the fact she was so damn annoyingly beautiful, she could have easily gone through high school unnoticed. I had to work to be noticed, to stand out. All she had to do was exist to be worshipped.

I hated it, but what I hated the most was when I was forced to get to know her just a little bit, I didn’t hate her. There were times when she looked at me, those rare moments when were were alone together and I felt like I was losing control. Like if she asked me to follow her to the moon, I’d ask what time she wanted me to meet her there. I hated feeling as weak as Clark and the rest of the town when Lana Lang looked at me and I didn’t know how to control it. So just like before when she was looking for that speech, when she told me about the Talon I was drawn into helping her by some force I couldn’t explain.

I can’t believe I kissed Lana Lang…

That wasn’t my intention when I came by her house. In fact, I had no intentions of coming in at all. But Clark and Pete weren’t too happy with my recent decision to support someone else in the school elections. And being Lana, when we talked about it she had been so understanding. God I hate that about her — Hate it and love it all at once — there’s a thin line between the two you know. So we talked, we poked fun at the boys, we laughed, and then I kissed her.

It was a moment of insanity or at least that what I tell myself. I’m still shocked I did it. But what shocked me more was her response. She didn’t push me away, she gave into me — actually she melted beneath me. And I liked it, I liked having this ability to make her melt, it gave me a rush. How long had Clark been ignoring me for the opportunity to do the same? So I had one up on Clark or at least that’s what I told myself after I had her in my arms, after I made her shiver beneath me, after I made her beg for me.

The problem was, I became as lost as she was and it scared me. I wasn’t ready to jump into something like this. The things I believed were odd enough, I didn’t need this label. She didn’t seem to care, but I did. I had some limited control over what defined my High School career and right now it wasn’t going to bad. Not perfect, but not too bad. I wasn’t going to let one moment of insanity throw it all away. After all, I wasn’t gay, I was just lonely and Lana Lang was a good listener and she had those eyes, eyes that could make anyone weak, eyes that seemed to look inside you and pull you inside her all at once. I couldn’t be blamed for falling victim to them.

I knew however, if we pursued this thing and this fell apart, hers would be called a phase and I would forever be labeled. I knew in the end, they would all still love her, but Clark and Pete would never see me the same way. They’d try to stay my friend and would, but I would be someone different to them. So when I staked the odds one way and put them up against the alternative, I knew I had to walk away.

I can’t believe I let her go for a guy that made me second…

Because now she’s in the hospital and I’m standing here in this pink dress. The gown that was suppose to make this night mine. I had won the heart of Prince Charming and his dance at the ball. Though I claimed Cinderella wasn’t my role model, I had worked hard for this night. I had even been almost angry at him for walking away. That was until I saw her laying in that hospital bed. Then suddenly nothing mattered, at least nothing that mattered before, not winning Clark over Lana or Lana over Clark, all that mattered was she had almost died. And I just wanted those eyes to open and look at me again.

I can’t believe I fell in love with Lana Lang.

-end-

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