A Night of Pain

[July 2001]

Fandom: Dark Angel
Title: A Night of Pain
PenName: EV
Paring(s): Max/Original Cindy
Rating: R
Summary: Max seeks warmth from Original cindy when the years of pain come crashing down around her.
Notes: angst
Warning(s): FemSlash
Disclaimer: This story is a fanwork based on characters featured on the TV series Dark Angel. A television series created by James Cameron and Charles H. Eglee.

She couldn’t afford to break down and let go in front of Logan. Thier was all this anxiety around him, this fear of breaking down, of looking weak. She couldn’t risk it, not in front of Logan. But Original Cindy knew better, she kept pushing and pushing, until she broke down into tears, over becoming a thing again. Thier machine, dictated too by them. It felt like the manufactures code was burning through her neck.

So Original Cindy took her in her arms and held her there. And Max cried, curled up against her, and told her what was wrong. It was just comfortable on OC’s bed, like being in a mother’s arms, warm, comforting, complete. And she confessed the horrors she’d seen inside, her guilt over the death of Zack and Tinga, the loss of Brin, all those things she couldn’t admit she felt when she was around the “boys” – even Logan. The feelings she couldn’t express in front of other soilders.

And then there was something else, the desire to feel, to touch, to be close to someone, to be warm inside. And she kissed her friend, a friend she trusted and loved as much as anyone. And there was this momment of shock where Original Cindy didn’t respond out of genuine shock. But the body beside her was warm and wanting and oh so sweet. So she shared in the kiss, she shared in the sensation.

But Cindy was afraid her friend was driven by something besides love, besides desire, pain. And she didn’t want this to be that. It was too sweet with Max, to wonderful, to right, to amount to pain. She looked in Max’s eyes and asked “Is this what you really want Boo?”

“It’s what I need,” Max replied with tears in her eyes. “I need you.”

She couldn’t refuse that. And they kissed again, gently, teasingly. Max shivered as Cindy removed her clothes, but she didn’t hide from her, she wanted to feel again, feel something that wasn’t pain. But she cried anyway, cried as Cindy touched her, cried as she begged for more, cried for the years of pain before this momment, cried because she had a friend who loved her so much, so warmly, so pasionatly, so delicatly.

And when the sun came up, Cindy lay there holding her. Max held Cindy’s arm tighly as she slept, actually slept. Original Cindy kissed her cheek gently. Max was okay, that was all that mattered. But there was hole in her heart, because she knew with Logan it wouldn’t be about pain. Because she knew once Max woke up things could never be the same. Because she knew she loved Max as more than a friend and there could never be anything more than this momment. Maybe Max would cry on her shoulder again, maybe she’d lay in her arms, but in the end it would always be Logan.

Logan, for the first time she truly hated and envied him. But she would never say that to her girl. No, Max deserved everything – all the fruits a union with Logan would bring. So she’d continue to be the good friend. That is. . . .if this one night hadn’t ruined it all.


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