[April 2001]

Fandom: Dark Angel
Title: Chemical
PenName: Empress Vader
Character(s): Bling, Max
Paring(s): Bling/Max
Rating: R
Summary: While Logan’s away, Bling and Max play.
Disclaimer: This story is a fanwork based on characters featured on the TV series Dark Angel. A television series created by James Cameron and Charles H. Eglee.

We both are Logan’s friends, so I guess you could say we both felt a little bad about what happened, the last thing in the world that was suppose to happen. I guess I really feel guilty because Logan was away at a family funeral and he trusted Bling and myself to hold down the “Eyes Only” fort, which we did. But the one day we took off to kick back was the day things changed.

For most of the week, everything was all business. I had to pull another “Eyes Only” imitation (authorized over the phone by Logan). It looked good to have Eyes Only broadcast while Logan was out of town. But Bling and I were not and probably never will be the work aholic Logan is, so at the end of the week I asked Bling if he wanted to go to the Pre-Pulse Hip Hop show at this club called “Musique”.  It was pretty new and hard to get into, but Cindy’s new squeeze had scored her some tickets. She was a DJ or something like that. Logan wasn’t around, but he probably would have spaced on me anyway. So I was glad Bling agreed to go.

It wasn’t hot when we got to the club. The air was pretty neutral, neither to hot nor to cold. I greeted my homies, introduced Bling to those who didn’t know him, and danced. When we came in, everybody was dancing to some old Biggie Smalls hit. And after that, a few people free styled — including Original Cindy. But besides that, I found out something, Bling could move on the dance floor. This surprised me, because it’s been my experience that big muscled guys can’t dance. Maybe it’s just my experience, because Bling had some smooth moves and with all the grinding we did against each other, the temperature had rose to a hundred degrees by the end of the night.

By the time we got back to Logan’s place, and why we went there instead of my place I have yet to figure out, Logan wasn’t even on my mind. Well, maybe he was, in the back somewhere. But right in front of me was a guy who had just enjoyed the night with me, something I tried and failed at quite a few times with Logan. And Bling had gotten me hot!

I wasn’t in heat or anything, not at least in the usual way. This wasn’t my feline DNA acting on it’s cycle. No, this was a more natural heat, a chemical reaction between two bodies that wanted each other. And I wanted Bling so badly at that moment, I hardly thought about what I was doing when I grabbed his head and captured his lips with my own. And he didn’t resist me. He kissed me back, hard. He captured my mouth with the same force that I attempted to conquer his. And then we stopped, we just stopped, because the same name whispered in the back of both of our heads, but only he was brave enough to say it.

“Logan?” Bling asked.

I  sighed and broke away from him. Then Bling headed into the Logan’s guest room. I should have gone home and if you asked me today what I was thinking, well I couldn’t tell you. Maybe I could, I wasn’t thinking with my head or my heart, all I was thinking about was this sensation running through my body and this need to be touched by Bling. It was pure lust.

So I went into the guest room. He had just taken off his shirt and by the shocked look on his face I knew he had assumed I was gone, that logic would have made me leave. He started to speak, but I silenced him with a finger on his lips. And with that gesture, the silent agreement was made not to speak about Logan, about anything. Words would have ended it and I could feel Bling’s body crying out for mine the way mine had been crying out for his all night.

Bling and I attacked each others lips again. And I do mean attacked, it was like we were in battle. Kendra told me once a while back that it was possible to bang the gong for 12 hours. I didn’t believe her, especially after I discovered, with horror, who Mr. Multiples was, I didn’t want to have that  particular image in my head. But Damn, I’d have to say Bling came pretty damn close to keeping me on edge all night. He took me to my limits and back and took me back on the same trip again and again and again. By the time he fell asleep, I was more than satisfied and that was rare.

And if it was any other guy, I could have enjoyed it. Hadn’t Logan and I said “we weren’t like that” a million times, hadn‘t I. But Bling and I knew better. He was Logan’s friend, it should feel wrong inside, I should be crumbling with the guilt. But it didn’t quite feel wrong. It hadn’t been right that night. But we both knew the truth, there was no love, it was just lust.

Bling woke up about noon. I was already up, I had showered and sat on the couch wearing a robe. He found me sitting there reading some of Logan‘s old articles. Bling seemed surprised to see me there.

“Come sit,” I said to him.

He sat beside me with little argument, though he stayed out of arms length. Here’s the thing about Bling. I’ve known him long enough and like him well enough to be comfortable with him. But he isn’t one of my long term friends, so like I said, if there was no Logan, it would have been no big deal. So I didn’t feel the need to run, that wasn’t going to solve shit. The fact is, Bling and I had just discovered we were sexually compatible and there was this desire to discover it all over again.

“What do you want to do about Logan?” Bling asked.

If I had honestly answered that question at that moment, it would have been to go back to the bedroom and fuck him again, return to that mindlessness where I didn‘t think about Logan, only pleasure. I didn’t know how to answer that question, because I didn‘t know what to do about Logan.

“I suppose the truth would only hurt him,” I replied. ’And not touching you is hurt me’ I thought feeling heat rush through me all over again.

“I know it would hurt him,” Bling replied.

“But you know I put out all these signals to him and he never responds, so I was beginning to think–,” I shrugged.

“Your not the problem,” Bling said. “He is.”

“That whole not being a whole person thing again?”

“Yeah,” Bling said turning toward me. “Your already physically superior to most men of the world and he can’t even give you what those men can.”

“You know, us women aren’t half as obsessed with your tools as you think we are,” Max told her. “There are other ways you know. The wheelchair doesn’t bother me.”

“But it bothers him,” Bling replied.

To be honest, my mind, at that moment, wasn’t on what was bothering Logan, it was on what was bothering me, the electrical reaction by body was having to Bling being beside me. I crawled across the couch to him. “You know what bothers me? I want you so bad right now.”

It was true, the whole time I had been sitting there all I could think about was his lips on my lips, his lips on my skin, my lips on his. My body was burning for him again, burning to feel that chemical reaction between us. And I was aching to have him inside me.

“We can’t,” Bling said as I planted a kiss on his lips.

Despite his words, he met my kiss with all the passion of the night before. Yeah, I did feel guilty somewhere deep down inside. But my body wants what it wants and at the moment it wanted him. And his body wanted mine, because he had already risen to the occasion — as if his body already knew what was coming. And he took me back to mindlessness, hard and fast, just like I wanted at that moment, just like I needed. No matter what heart or mind said, or bodies knew wanted what it wanted. And I wanted to hate myself for liking it so much, but I loved it to much to hate myself for it.

We lay there in the bliss of the aftermath, holding each other, trying to make sense of what we were doing. We really didn’t know what to say, everything had been said and nothing understood. But the explanation was simple, our bodies wanted each other, despite the one reason our minds knew it shouldn’t. We were both sweaty, room smelling of sex. And I wanted more, god I wanted more.

I perhaps laid there for two hours before I pulled myself away from him and went to take a shower. And then I went home.

When Logan came back the next day, I didn’t want to see him, I was afraid the lust raging in me would reveal itself. My body had been screaming for Bling all night. From the moment I left him until noon that next day when I swung past Logan’s with the intention of seeing him. But then I saw Bling. As soon as I saw Bling, I was hot again. It was mad crazy, I had never felt this way before. I had never looked at a guy and all I could think about was screwing him. Well, when I was in heat, anything would do. But I had never had this reaction to a single guy, not even Logan.

It didn’t mean I didn’t care about Logan. On a good day, when I look Logan, I’m filled with extreme warmth. Logan is my guy, my friend, I want to be with him. But loving Logan doesn’t make me forget Bling’s touch, how good it felt to just lay back and let go — the one thing Logan seems unable to do. How could I ever explain to Logan that it wasn’t love, it was just chemical.


DZ – 4/10/01

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