RhondaWeasley.com

4. Some People Never Change

Cindy leaned back in the borrowed car turning the sector pass in her hand, eyeing the back of her father’s head in the hope that just her look could drill through it and take apart whatever had gone haywire in thier. She’d done everything to get her family to accept Diamond, but even her mother wasn’t to fond of Diamond. Still, her mother dealt with it despite mentioning that “nice little Skate girl” at every opportunity. She wanted to say, ‘I found out that nice skate girl was cheatin’ on me the whole time and is now pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby, but there was enough tension at home.

The break in thier friendship hadn’t been immediate. After the break up with Skate and the make up with Diamond (And becoming a full woman with Diamond, one secret she had kept from her mother), she and Skate were still friends. Then she started showing. At first Cindy just thought she was putting on a little weight, then Herbal told her what was really going on and that she should do the math. So for the last 6 months, they hadn’t spoken. And she was happy with Diamond, who had promised to go completly legit just for her. She’d been hustling and bustling with a nickle and dime 9 to 5 just because she loved her. It didn’t really impress either of her parents.

Then again, if she was dating the first female, black, lesbian, president of the United States, Dad still wouldn’t be happy. He’d still ask her to date some bag boy he dug up simply because of the equipment under his belt. If she was the first female, black, lesbian, president, he’d still ask her why she couldn’t find a good man. Her father was stupid. She’d tried to be sypathetic, but it wasn’t working. Her father was stupid. She was almost 17 and he still treated her like a baby.

And now he’d taken her away from home in the middle of the summer, away from the woman she loved, to visit dear old Grandpa. If she was five, she would have been thrilled. a train ride, a rental car, the east coast. She’d seen her grandfather twice in her life. She had a long ago somewhat broken memory of a time when she was two going on three and she sang in her grandfather’s church wearing a white dress looking so innocent. And there was one other time when she was 10 or something like that and came down for a visit. She actually loved her Grandfather’s church. It was small and everyone seemed to look up to her grandfather. Her grandmother had passed away long before she was born.

Her Grandfather was a warm man in her memory, his sermon’s making her feel alive. Usually church put her to sleep, but Grandpa was different. She called him Poppa because her father called him Pop and when she was two she copied it, but she didn’t know what to call him now that she was almost 17 and hadn’t seen him since she was ten. How would he feel about his grandchild living an “altenative lifestyle”. If she had’s Dad’s support, it wouldn’t be so bad. However, she wasn’t in the mood for a sinner speach from Preacher Grandpa anymore than she wanted one from her holier-than-thou father. As they pulled into the driveway she cringed.

It was amazimg that the east coast retained a beauty in the small neighborhoods, well at least this neighborhood did. Her Grandfather wasn’t rich, but he had a house from a time she forgot. Instead of being dark and cluttered, the street was bright. Kids were running up and down sidewalks. People had LAWNS, actual green lawns. There was an old couple sitting on the porch. She smiled, if only for a second the scenery warmed her.

She watched the children, wishing for that careless time of long ago, but it was gone, innocence was over. Her father saw her watching the kids.

“You know how you get thoose right?” He told her.

“The stork, right,” Cindy spat back.

‘Thanks for ruining the moment,’ she thought. Her mother looked upset, but said nothing. She stepped out the car and slammed the door.

“Hey,” he yelled. “You can’t pay for that.’

‘Neither can you,’ she mumbled, knowing half this trip was fueled with borrowed money.

As they walked up to the porch, she caught sight of a unbelievably cute little Hispanic girl. She smiled at her just a little and recieved a small slap to the back of the head.

“You will not behave that way in front of my father and embarass him.”

“I didn’t ask to come, I wanted to stay home. And Diamond will be there when I get back.”

“If you go back,” her father replied.

She suddenly panicked, her heart beat quickened. Was he planning on leaving her here?

“Cindy will get back to her girl, that’s fo’ sho’”

“Don’t talk about yourself in the third person,” her father grunted. “You got that from that, that, that girl.”

“Of course, I must have got it from THAT GIRL, because it’s impossible for Cindy to have an original thought. It’s alway’s Diamond’s fault.”

“Don’t say her name around me,” he said.

“Diamond,” she whispered behind his back as the door opened.

“My boy,” her grandfather said with a big grin as he hugged the younger, spitting image of himself. “And my baby girl,” he said turning toward her. “Just like you’re Grandmother, god you could be her. Got yourself a boyfriend? Bet you do as cute as you are.”

“No Sir,” Cindy said.

“Sir? Call me Poppa like you use to,” her Grandfather said.

Cindy smiled. “Well Poppa, Cindy’s not really into boys these days. She has other things on her mind.”

Her panicked father threw a warning glance her way.

“Odd, sixteen and not dating. Well she must be a late bloomer. That’s okay, we know what happens to those who peak to soon.”

Her father chuckled nervously. She would continue to talk in third person, it was her only revenge against him for dragging her out her. As beautiful as it was here, she had friends home who accepted her, places where she could go to be herself, and the love of her life was home, not here.
 
 

Dinner was civil. Except the verbal games continued at dinner. She continued to hint at the fact she was dating a girl without saying anything, watching the panick rise in her father’s face. Her Grandfather never caught on, he just talked about how important family was and how good if felt to have a full table again.

“Can I be excused?” Cindy asked when she finished her meal. “I’d just like to walk around.”

Her father started to say no.

“Sure,” her Grandfather chimed in.

“Thanks Poppa,” Cindy said with false enthusiasim as she ran and threw her arms around him.

“Well it’s your vacation,” he chuckled. “Maybe you’ll met a nice boy from the neighborhood.”

Cindy went outside and suddenly she could breath again. So many hours in close quaters with her parents had suffocated her. She exhaled.

“Hey,” a young female voice said. She looked and saw it was the hispanic girl she’d seen earlier.

“Hey,” she replied. “I saw you earlier.”

“Yeah, I saw you seeing me,” she said. “My name is Alex.”

“Cynthia,” Cindy said as they shook hands. “Have you lived around here long?”

“A couple months, my parents sent me out here to live with my aunt. Trying to get me away from my bad bad boyfriend.”

“I understand that,” Cindy said. “I was kinda drug out here for the same reasons.”

“So we’re kindred spirits,” Alex replied. They smiled at each other.

“So what did your bad bad boy do?” Alex asked.

“Who said it was a boy?” she mumbled.

“What?” Alex said.

“Nothing,” Cindy smiled. “My boo was on lock down for stealing a car, almost got me arrested. But D never did me wrong like my last—well while D was on lock down I dated this other one and that one went and had a baby with someone else. Cheated the whole time.”

Alex laughed. “That’s what my parents don’t get. Chris has his faults, but he loves me. He’d never do me wrong.”

Cindy was starting to fear her parents were planning on leaving her here and if so she needed one ally. The truth would come in time, Alex seemed nice.

“Cynthia,” a voice called from inside the house. Her mother.

“I got to go,” Cindy said.

“See you Cynthia,” Alex said.

“Call me Cindy,” Cindy told her. She reluctantly entered the house.
 
 
 

Mom stepped into the bedroom just as Cindy was climbing into bed. Cindy welcomed her warm hug and kiss goodnight. She welcomed any warmth from her mother.

“I saw you with that girl,” she said.

“She has a boyfriend. And I have a girlfriend. You know it is still possible for me to have girls that are friends.”

“I know, but your father’s not going to see it that way. He sees his daughter turning into, well, a teenage boy. He sees you with a young girl and the sirens go off in his head.”

Cindy sighed. “I just want to be a regular teenager mom. God, I’m almost seventeen, will he ever stop seeing me as a gay person and start seeing me as a person.”

“Sweetie, I stopped seeing you as my gay teenager over a year ago. I just see you as a teenager and I get those same sirens in my head when I see you with a girl.”

“It ain’t always about that though, every man in the world doesn’t turn your head, why would every girl turn mine?”

Her mother laughed. “Because your a teenager, gay or straight, that’s what you are,” her mother smiled. “And unfortunatly, teenagers have very unstable hormones.”

They smiled together.

Her mother sighed. “The difference between your father and I is he sees you turning into something different from other teenagers and I see you’re just like them, you just love differently.”

“I know you do your best to be accepting mom and I appreciate it, but home will never be okay unless he sees me that way. I’m sorry mom, but as soon as I got an out, I’m gone.”

“Baby don’t,” her mother began.

“I’m sorry mom,” Cindy said.

“I guess you’ll do what you have to do.”

She and her mother hugged. It was good to know she had her if she needed her.
 
 
 

She got up in the morning to her parents arging in thier room. She looked out the window and saw that her Grandfather’s car was gone.

“You’re going to push our daughter away!” her mother yelled

“She’s pushing herself away by choosing to be—” Her father began

“Don’t you see it’s no more of a choice then–” her mother interrupted.

‘Don’t you see that NO MATTER WHAT I’m ‘attracted’ to,” her father interjected. “I remain loyal to you, my wife, because that is what god wants of me.”

“And don’t you see, that it’s not your duty to judge her. You are not God.”

“No, but it’s my duty to teach her,” her father snapped.

She heard a door slam. He was gone. The doorbell rang minutes later, her mother answered.
She went in the bathroom. When she came out, her mother was there.

“Alex is downstairs,” she said with a smile.

“She’s just a possible friend mom,” Cindy said. “And she kinda doesn’t know about certain things yet so I’d rather keep them to myself.” She checked her watch. “It’s 10:30 already?”

“Yeah, we figured you needed your rest after that long ride, so we let you sleep. Now go on and see to your guest.” That smile was back on her mother’s face.

“Friend,” Cindy emphasized again.

“Fine,” her mother said kissing her forhead. “Enjoy your vacation.”

“Thanks mom,” Cindy said.

Cindy went in the living room and Alex was sitting there with her feet up on the coffee table. She had on ripped jeans and a mid driff top. She couldn’t deny the girl was throwing sexual energy all over the place. So she was attracted, sort of, she loved Diamond enough that she could put it aside. And she was desperate for a friend.

“Hey new girl, you want me to show you around town.”

“I haven’t had breakfast yet,” Cindy said.

“Neither have I,” the girl said. “I know where we can get some cinnamon buns.”

“Cool,” Cindy replied.

Her mother entered the room.

“We’re going to go hang out,” Cindy told her. “So if Dad ask, you know where I am.”

“Okay,” her mother said. “Be good.”

Her mother hugged her and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Then the girls left the house.
 
 
 
 

“Your mom seems cool,” Alex said. “My mom is always bitchin’ me.”

“Mom is cool. Dad is another story.”

“Never had the dad problem,” Alex told her.

“So what did Chris do to annoy your mom?”

“My mom and her girfriend,” Chris replied.

Cindy stopped short. “Your mom and her …. Girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “Does that bother you?”

“I’m just surprised. I’ve never met anybody who had parents that were–.”

“And maybe that’s why you thought you had to not say you have a girlfriend at home.”

Cindy kinda laughed to herself. “You heard me? I didn’t know how–”

“It’s cool,” Alex said. “To each his own. So are you bi or just into girls, cause I couldn’t decode that whole ex and a baby with someone else deal.”

“I’m not bi,” Cindy told her. “I guess you could say my ex-girlfriend was since she’s now with the ex-boyfriend she cheated on me with and having his baby.”

“It’s cool that you’ve come to terms with it so young. How long have you been out?”

“Since I was about 15, I’m almost 17 now. It seems like forever and a day ago since I first met Diamond and–”

“So D is Diamond,” Alex said with a smile.

“I’m just asking, I mean I love my girl, but I just was curious, Are you bi?”

“No, I pretty much like my fellas.”

They laughed together.

“We’re still kindred spirits,” Alex said. “Me and you and the loves we were stolen from.”

Alex threw an arm around her shoulder as they entered a little bakery. Such a warm girl. Now that the whole “who I am” issue was out of the way, the day went smoothly. They talked about love over breakfast. It seems Alex’s guy, Chris, was in to some illegal smuggling mostly because of his father. He couldn’t get out for that reason, but he wanted out. Alex loved him and tried to stand by his side, but her mother and Gina (the girlfriend) wanted no part of it. Cindy spilled about Diamond. It was the first time she had been so comfortable sharing girl talk with a girl. Even the best friend of her youth, Josie, didn’t want to hear about her relationship drama.

After Breakfast, Josie took her window shopping. The looked at makeup, and clothing. They tried on some things. They bought some perfume, make up and one outfit each, simply because they couldn’t resist. It was a good day, filled with laughing and just being herself with another girl. That was completly refreshing. She was in no particular rush to get home or to “Poppa’s” house and start pretending again. But she ran into “Poppa” anyway while they were browsing hats.

“Cindy,” Poppa said. “I thought that was you.”

“Hey Poppa,” Cindy replied. “Do you know Alex?”

“Yes,” he said. “Her Aunt has been bringing her to my church.”

“How are you sir?” she asked.

“Fine,” he said. “And you? Are you showing my little Granddaughter here a good time?”

“Yeah, she’s great,” Cindy answered for Alex. “Alex is just about the best thing here.”

“How about I buy you two a little treat,” he said

They shrugged. He told them to come along and he bought them some ice cream. Cindy had to admit, the man was pleasent. She had to wonder however, if he would turn into the same homophobic his son was if he knew about his granddaughter. He offered them a ride back, but Alex saved her from that saying there were still things she wanted to show her. So Poppa left them. It was good visiting with Poppa, but the aniexity was to much.

She made it back that evening just in time to plop down in a chair and eat dinner with Poppa, her father, and mother. Poppa was bragging about seeing her out with Alex and her father eyed her the entire time as if he was asking “who is this girl?”

“I think Cindy here has got a new best friend,” her grandfather said.

“Cindy thinks Alex is the best thing about this vacation,” Cindy said with a smile in response to her father’s silent question.

She got up from the table early again, with “Poppa’s” permision. She was really starting to annoy her father by cutting around him this way. She met Alex about 20 minutes later and they walked together to this fast food place called “Twister” where a bunch of kids thier age hung out. Alex introduced her to some people and they hung out till 10:00. When she came home, her father met her on the porch.

“What’s up dad?” Cindy said.

“I don’t know who that Alex girl is, but it stops now.”

“She’s a friend dad. Nothing else, just a friend.”

“I don’t want you around that Alex girl.”

“Why? You drag me out here and I actually make a friend and you want to stop it. You’re not going to be happy till I’m misrable are you?”

“I don’t want that, but I want you to live the right kind of life.”

“No you’re mad because you wanted this to be some kind of punishment and instead I’m actually enjoying myself. Because you hate me, you want the rest the world to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you Cindy, I just don’t approve of the path your traveling.”

“Dad,” Cindy said. “If you hate who I am, You hate me and that’s how I feel.”

Cindy stomped away from her father and into the room designated to her. She curled up in bed and went to sleep.
 
 

Cindy was up and out of bed before her parents woke up the next day. Her mother and father had had another argument about her. She spent the day hanging with Alex and some other kids trying not to think about her parents and what was going on with them. However, by evening she found herself spilling all the details to Alex.

“Maybe I can go live with your parents,” Cindy said afterward.

Alex laughed. “That would be ideal, if only life was ideal.”

“Yeah,” Cindy replied. “Actually everything would be fine if my dad was more like my mom.”

“Your mom is cool,” Alex sighed. “Tell your Grandfather, see how he reacts. He counciled me and my mom and Gina. I don’t think he’s anything like your dad.”

“But it’s like Diamond told me, sometimes it’s easier to deal with something when it’s not your family, not your daughter, not your cousin.”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “I see what you mean. I still think he’d be cooler than your dad about it. Your dad’s being a complete ass, your Grandfather is nothing like that.”

Alex checked her watch. “Damn, I got to meet my aunt.”

“Alright, why don’t you come by tonight for dinner? Maybe we’ll bring up the subject.”

“Cool,” Alex said as she left.

Bored, Cindy decided to do something she had been afraid of since she’d been here, visit her grandfather’s church. The whole walk there she was telling herself to turn around. She made it to his church and found him sweeping up and putting the hymnals in there proper place.

“Cindy,” he said smiling at her.

“Hey Poppa,” Cindy said more naturally than she had the whole vacation.

“What brings you here?”

“Boredom,” she quickly stated. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” her grandfather said. “Come here.” He said sitting in the pew.

She came and sat beside him.

“I’ve been your father’s father for a long time. So I know things even when I don’t let on that I know them,” he told her.

Cindy suddenly flushed, her heart beat sped up. She was afraid he’d hear an argument and begin to pry.

“You and my son aren’t getting along are you?”

“I’ve just made some choices lately that he doesn’t agree with.”

“What are these choices?”

“Dating choices,” Cindy said. “Sort of like Alex, kinda different.”

“All of us have issues when our children start dating.”

“I think mine are a little different,” Cindy replied. She looked up at her grandfather. “Poppa, do I really look like my Grandmother.” She was really just trying to change the subject.

“Ohh yes,” he smiled. “First time I saw her, she was at a dance. I found her utterly breath taking. She was wearing a dress her mother made for her, white, before becoming her dress, they were curtains.”

Cindy smiled at the sparkle in his eyes as he remebered.

“I think it was her simplicity that pulled me in, that made her real to me.” He sighed. “I loved her from that day until now. I’ll love her till the day I die.”

“I wonder if my parents will last as long as you and grandma. I think I’m pulling them apart.”

“You can’t destroy thier marriage or hold it together, only they can.”

“What do you think of Alex’s parents?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Curious.”

“I don’t agree with thier lifestyle, I think a child should have a father and a mother, but I have met parents with far less dedication to a child. They are an exceptional couple. I respect them.”

Respect was a good word, she liked it.

“So you don’t mind if Alex comes to dinner?”

“No,” her grandfather said.

“Great, I invited her,” Cindy said.

“She’s become a fast friend to you, huh?”

“Yeah,” Cindy replied. “We’re kindred spirits.”

“Well, I have an apointment, so I’ll see you two kindred spirits at home.”

“Okay Poppa,” she said giving him a hug.

She got up and started to leave.

“Cindy,” he said.

“Yeah”

“Remeber, Your old Poppa wasn’t born yesterday,” he said.

“Okay,” she replied and left the church.
 
 

Dinner time came before Cindy knew it. Alex showe up early and her father had one eye on them the entire night. Everytime they laughed at some private joke, you could see the hairs rise on her father’s neck. He didn’t say anything mostly because his own father was there. Finally dinner time came and they all sat at the table.

“So, Alex tell my mom about your parents,” Cindy said halfway through the meal.

“Well there’s my mom and there’s Gina.”

“Gina?” her mother questioned.

“Gina is my mom’s girfriend. They raised me. I sort of fell in love with this awesome guy named Chris, they didn’t approve so they sent me out here to live with my Aunt.”

“Chris wasn’t exactly a prince,” Cindy’s Grandfather said. “Gina and your mother did what they thought was best for you.”

“Don’t you find it a little uncomfortable not having a father around?” Cindy’s father asked.

“No, I mean I have people that love me, so in the end it really is just about that.”

“Actually,” Poppa said. “I agree. I’ve seen families that appear quite normal on the outside, a mess internally. Alex’s aunt doesn’t agree with her sisters lifestyle, but she and Alex’s mother and Gina all work together to give Alex the best.”

“If only they understood Chris,” Alex said playing with her food.

“I know the feeling,” Cindy replied.

“I still say it’s wrong. God did not make Adam and Steve or Eve and Amanda,” Cindy’s father said.

“Son,” Cindy’s grandfather said. “I sense a problem here that has nothing to do with Alex.”

“Alex,” Cindy’s father grumbled. “My daughter would find a girl with a boys name.”

“First of all my name is Alexandria? And second of all what does my name have to do with anything?” Alex asked.

“You know what he’s implying, just as well as I do,” Cindy said. She turned to her grandfather. “Poppa, I’m gay. I came out to my parents when I was 15. Over a year and a half ago. My dad’s been afraid I would tell you or take Alex to bed this wholetrip.”

“I told you Poppa wasn’t a fool,” her grandfather said. “There were a lot of little hints. And I’ve talked with your mother, since you wouldn’t tell me anything. And son, I can’t believe what you’re doing to your daughter.”

“What I’m doing to her? She’s destroying this family.”

“No son, you are. Your daughter is being honest about who she is.”

“Who she is? It’s not who she is, it’s who she thinks she is. I can’t believe you even support it.”

“She’s done nothing wrong son.”

“She’s dating a teenage convict.”

“If that was your problem, it would be a ligitimate concern. ”

“You didn’t like Skate,” Cindy pointed out. “And she wasn’t a convict.”

“That’s where the problem is son,” her grandfather pointed out.

“I will not accept this ever, as long as she lives under my roof.”

“Well maybe I won’t live under your roof anymore!!” Cindy yelled. “I have friends who accept me. I don’t need you. I’ll leave.”

“Cindy,” her mother began. “Don’t—”

“I’m serious. I don’t need this. I’m almost 17.”

“Is 17 some magic number. As far as I know, I am in charge till you’re 18.”

“Then stop me dad,” Cindy yelled.

He didn’t move.

“You know you can’t,” Cindy spat at him. “And I’m not dealing with this anymore. I’m sick of it. Cindy’s leaving your house, she’ll find her own way.”

Cindy left the table, left her father. Alex followed and so did her mother as arguments began at the table between father and son.
 
 
 

By the time they got in the room, Cindy was throwing clothes around looking for her sector pass. When she found it, she began packing her clothes.

“Cindy where are you going?” her mother asked.

“Home”

She threw her clothes into her bag and started toward the door.

“How are you going to get home?”

“Train, hitchhiking, I don’t care.”

“Do you have enough money?”

“I’ll manage.”

“Stay, we’ll work it out,” her mother said.

“We can’t, we’ve tried. I got to make a stand mom. I love you, but I have to make this stand.”

Cindy’s mother took some money out her pocket and shoved it in her hand.

“No, mom,” Cindy said. “I got to do this on my own.”

“Please, let me help you just this little bit. Take a train, I love you sweetheart,” her mother said. “I love you too Mom. Thank Poppa for me.”

“You got your pass for getting back in the city?” her mother asked.

“Yeah,” Cindy replied showing her the sector pass. She hugged her again.

“I love you so much. Don’t think I’m out of your life just because you have to make this stand.”

“Okay,” she replied.

“Be safe,” her mom said.

“I’ll walk her to the train station,” Alex said.

Her mother reluctantly let her go and the two girls left together.
 
 
 

“I’m proud to be your friend,” Alex told her when the two girls were outside. “You’re brave. ”

“If I don’t stand up now, he’ll knock me down to a place I don’t want to be.”

“You’re an Original girl, don’t ever forget that,” Alex told her.

They hugged. She and Alex took the long walk to the train station. With the money her mother gave her, she was able to scrape together enough for a cheep train ticket. It was a long way home, but she felt she was going home with a lot less baggage then she had come with and that was a good thing.
 
 

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