Like Me
[November 2002]
Fandom: Birds of Prey (TV)
Title: Like Me
PenName: EV
Character(s): Helena Dinah
Paring(s):
Rating:
Summary: Helena reflects on the similarities between herself. and young Dinah. Takes placeshortly after ‘Sins of the Mother’.
Notes:Sidekicks steal my heart. So it’s no wonder I’m waist deep in Dinah fic ideas. I was just reflecting upon how ‘Sins of the Mother’ made Helena and Dinah have much more in common and started writing this. I originally intended it as part of a longer work, but I like it as a stand alone.
Warning(s):
Disclaimer: The Birds of Prey TV series belongs to the WB and some other people that aren’t me.
I remember the first time she hugged me, I didn’t want her to touch me or love me, I didn’t want her. But as Dinah sat beside me tonight and laid her head on my shoulder, I didn’t push her away. Hell, I’ll even hug her now if she looks like she needs it and I don’t know when that happened. We both listened to the gentle tapping of Barbara’s fingers on the keyboard a short distance away. It’s a comfort to both of us to know she’s there, though I never said it I knew Dinah loved Barbara as much as I did. I guess as much as I didn’t want to see us as the same, we were the same. I was big on not getting attached, never getting to close, but I couldn’t resist the girl, so eager, so innocent, so — Like me.
I’m starting to see she holds as much pain as I ever had. Barbara has often pointed out, Dinah isn’t much different from me. But I couldn’t see anything similiar about myself and little miss sunshine, little miss ‘I want to be a superhero when I grow up’. But when I was young, when I first began to learn what I could do, before there was a Batman in my life and a tradition, when I was just some metahuman kid, I dreamed of it too, being a superhero – for all the fun reasons. I’ve since lost that childlike “wow” approach to the life of the hero, but I was exactly like her a long time ago. And just a few days ago, when she confronted the parent who abandoned her, I knew exactly how she felt. She was me, I was her, facing the excuses of an absent parent. And now as she faces the loss of a mother, I know exactly how she feels because the memories of that loss still feel like they happened yesterday. On top of that, now she has her own larger than life superhero tradition to live up to and I know the weight of that.
So much like me, but not so much we’ll end up the same. I’ll bet she’ll handle the whole tradition thing different. She’ll throw herself into training, mastering her skills, trying to live up to the name of Black Canary. Not like me, who yells ‘I’m not my father’. Who knows though, one day she could be just like me. One day hearing how great Black Canary was will annoy the hell out of her. She’ll be older then, romantic thoughts of crimefighting gone, ready to scream ‘I’m not my mother’. But maybe she won’t be like me, maybe she won’t be afraid, that’s right afraid, afraid I’ll never live up to the vision people have for me as the daughter of Batman. As far as I’m concerned, I’m the daughter of Selina Kyle, that’s who put me to bed every night, not Batman or Catwoman. Dinah didn’t even have that from her natural mother or at least she didn’t have it for very long, yet she’s not bitter or at least she doesn’t show it. Even when she gets angry, she faces the next day with a smile. Little miss sunshine, I use to hate her for it, but perhaps she’s braver than I am. I’d never tell her that though.
I guess we are more alike than different. However, I hope she’s never just like me, I want her to keep her sunshine and maybe one day I’ll be a little more like her.
END
Nov. 9, 2002
